back to reality.

amidst all the bebe business that consumes our every minute, aaron & i have found time to call our own. a few weekends back we called up a babysitter {ya RIGHT, did i just say i called a babysitter?! as if having your own child doesn't make you feel old enough, myyyy heavens chiiiild.} & hit the town with our besties the ross's. after dining at the classic college/high school hang out 'chilis' we made our way down to the provo beach resort at the riverwoods mall for some fanciful croquet.

none of us knew how to play nor did we find it necessary to read the rules, thus we made up our own rules - get through the course as fast as possible. the group playing ahead of us, however, were the 'play by the rules' type & we found ourselves on their heels the whole time. we made due of the wait time & as always shared a night of laughs.

i love our little nugget more than i ever felt i had the capacity to love, but it is so refreshing to spend time alone with my first love; the man that makes my life as a mother possible & complete.

go for the gold

roe has learned to scoot/army crawl & each time he moves on his own i beam with pride. want proof - well you got it!

Untitled from Kathryn Oldham on Vimeo.

even the smallest accomplishments are so pivotal in a mothers eyes.

boob man.

our child is somewhat particular when it comes to his grub. in fact so particular that he refuses to take a bottle, gags at rice cereal & throws his head back with defiance when applesauce, pears, butternut squash, sweet potatoes and sweet peas are projected in his general direction. we cant blame him, have you smelled those things? whoof. he, as aaron calls him, is a boob man.

we have found ONE food however that he will eat willingly & excitedly. enter, avocado.

two of a kind.

i pictured what aaron would be like as a father, but what i had envisioned was nothing compared to what our reality is. right from the get-go aaron possessed a knack for reading & interpreting our little bebe. in the hospital, the only thing that would put roe to sleep was sucking on aaron's finger & i would stare in awe as they slumbered together in peace. as soon as we arrived home, aaron was the one to give roe his first bath & he is still the official bebe nail clipper in the house. if you have ever encountered our babe with his pants unbuttoned, rest assured that aaron recognized that the babe was uncomfortable & when asked aaron would say "they were just pinching off his circulation. he's a man, let him be comfortable." the same applies if you ever see our kiddo without pants entirely or shirtless out & about because aaron knows when roe is overheating as well. all in all aaron knows what is best for our nugget.

a picture is worth a thousand words - am i right?

brunette am i.

i love my life.

i love that my husband works hard for our family & allows me to stay home with our nugget & raise him right. i love that we have a home to call our own & a big front yard to host 'mom hour' & take mini-photo-shoots of bebe roe. i love that i have family & friends so close who support & encourage me daily. i love that i have finally found a stylist {hollar, Bethany Kartchner} who rocks my socks & who is a delight to chat with for three hours.

& now, i love that i am a brunette. i may never go back.

thanks for the photo nicole. you 'da best!

half a year.

my dear baby roe,

it was just half a year ago when my life changed for the better, when you, my dear baby roe, came into my life & turned it upside down. for better or worse, i have loved every single moment that we have shared together so far. we have shared days when you have cried tears of an overtired babe & days where i have cried along with you as a helpless mommy. we have shared days where you have learned a new trick & where i have cheered & clapped with sheer joy at your smallest accomplishment. each day you grow a little stronger, a little chubbier, a little smarter, a little happier, a little more opinionated & take another little chunk of my heart while you grow from my newborn, shrimp of a babe, to a little boy.

for awhile now you turn around on your tummy like a turn table & it cracks me up each time. you move your buff little arms around in the most determined manner as you pivot yourself towards the cords that are placed so enticingly under the dresser in our living room. you use this same technique in your crib during the night & most mornings i find you with your head in the opposite direction i laid you down in. as of yesterday you started scooting/army crawling around {advanced, if i do say so myself, for a six-month old}. i laid you on the floor in the hall outside the bathroom while i brushed my teeth & the next thing i know you are hitting my feet with your tiny hand. i started laughing & you looked up at me with those big eyes & wide-mouthed toothless grin & we shared in that moment that you learned how to follow me around.

last month was rough for both of us & we got to know the older, wiser & bigger you. the only way you were napping was in your car seat on the way to park city & as fun as that was for both of us, neither of us were getting the sleep or time to ourselves that we needed. in a bout of desperation i bought a book & both of our lives changed for the better. after a night of letting you cry for an hour in your crib at bedtime, we were able to establish the habit of bedtime at seven-thirty & nap times at nine, one & four. you have really turned into a different baby - a happy, healthy & agreeable baby! you love your sleep & i love you for it.

you & i are somewhat attached at the hip & although you may cry in other arms it brings me relief to know that my arms are the ones that you find comfort in. your accomplishments are my happy place & i love you to the moon & back.

muah - mommy

mildly obsessed.

i used to loathe reading blogs where all the writer ever did was talk about her dang-nab kid & here i am eating my words. all i do is talk about my kid & gush over him all day long, but when your days are consumed by that one tiny human & his sleeping, eating & playing schedule there is not really much left to discuss.

our little nugget is the ripe old age of six months now & it boggles my mind to think that half a year ago we brought that little stranger into the world. i look at the pictures hanging all over our house from when Roe was a week old & i hardly recognize him. my oh my how time changes our little ones. mimi {my talented mother} sent Roe a gift, she knit him, for his six-month milestone & we have been playing with it all day.

my sweet boy's bright blue eyes are fading & he is looking more & more like his handsome father {what more could a lady want than a miniature version of the first love of her life?!}. i love the two men in my life & thank my lucky stars each day that i have the privilege of raising this smiley & curious little nugget.

oh & for those of you who felt the way i once did about baby-obsessed-mommy-bloggers, just you wait until you have a nugget to call your own. damn straight you will be obsessed & you have every right to be!

take-over.

i swore that as soon as this baby came i would keep up a house where my visitors could not detect the slightest hint of baby. alas, real life is just not so. in real life it is a miracle if i get to shower so let us not even mention putting those obnoxious baby toys away twenty-plus times a day. i have grown to love this reality however & could not help but smile when i woke up from an afternoon nap to the above face. our lives have been taken over by baby & i would not have it any. other. way.

vacae.

since lake powell was a total bust with a three month old, the handsome husband & i were itching to get out of provo for a little change of pace. enter, st. george, pool, sun & sleep. we shared our time with our dear pals the christensen's & it was brief, yet extremely wonderful.

us lady folk made certain that we made a day trip to the vegas for some shopping & after dragging our dear husbands & babies all over town we settled down for a delightful dinner @ the cheesecake factory. the only picture i got in the vegas was the follow which is actually quite appropriate & encompasses our lives {waiting for our men, with our tired yet tolerant babes on a street corner on the vegas strip}. can you imagine what people were thinking? hollar @ hot mama nicole!

& then there are days

like today. when i apply what i have learned from books & follow my motherly instincts. it all started with putting the nugget down @ seven-thirty the night before & ended with three naps during the day, the last of which he didn't even fight, & another seven-thirty bedtime where not a single tear was shed.

when baby sleeps, mama is happy & when mama is happy everybody is happy.

besides myself.

i am venting & beyond tired. so, take everything i say with a grain of salt.

there are days, most days, when i do not feel qualified for motherhood on any level. there are days when i look at my dear, sweet {TIRED} baby & wonder how mothers ever find balance in their lives. there are days when i run to the grocery store without a bra on early in the morning & i finally understand {& sympathize} why some mothers look so haggard & am perplexed where other mothers found the time to put on a bra & make-up. there are days when i cry the entire day because my baby is crying & i have exhausted all of my best silly faces, funny songs, we have read every book & the pacifier still isn't soothing. there are days when i feel really alone as my five month old wails for an hour in his crib after i put him down for naps & then i feel defeated when i have to go pick him up & tell him everything is okay when often i dont even feel myself as though everything is okay. there are days when i sing 'itsty bitsy spider' 80 times over & run out of things on the bus to imitate while singing 'wheels on the bus'. there are days when i plan my entire day around driving to salt lake or park city just so that i can get my babe to rest for 45 minutes.

then, there are days like today. where the babe wakes up four times in the night & after crying for an hour when i put him down for a morning nap {like the books say, mind you} he still cries for another hour in my arms midst rubbing his eyes and pushing me away as i try to nurse, sing, rock, swaddle & generally soothe him back to sleep. days, like today, when i think i am making headway, when i think we are taking steps forward to getting our sleep deprived baby on a sleep schedule & i end up feeling like we are taking four steps backward. days, like today, when i want to scream at the book i am reading because all i read about are success stories & feel like i am the only one living with the story of a baby who cries hour after hour that i try to get him to sleep {regardless the technique}. days, like today, when i recall people saying 'stick to it!' & 'it's worth it' & wondering if it really is because through my tears, headache and generally tired mind i cannot see how that can be the case.

i make it sound like i have a colicky/fussy baby & let me assure you that this is not the case, but it is embarrassing & unnerving when your family or friends comment on how fussy your {once happy} baby is being or what bad habits he has. i simply have a baby who will not sleep. the baby i know just wants to laugh & learn & be apart of the action, but in turn the baby you know {the baby who has not slept} complains & fusses. so here i am, following every piece of advice i have been given & read on sleeping, still feeling besides myself because my sweet little babe refuses to sleep.

there are, however, hours of the day when my babe makes me laugh & when we make each other smile. there are days when we walk to the park, lay on a blanket under the trees & enjoy the sunshine together. there are days when he learns something new & i tell him how proud i am to be his mother. there are days when he giggles when i tickle him & flirts with the ladies at the mall. there are days, every day, when i am happy to call him mine & love him more with every frustrated tear we share. there are moments when roe nuzzles into my shoulder or sits calmly in my lap & even, on the rare occasion, that he sleeps there, in my arms. there ARE days when he naps {my beacon of hope} & however inconsistant they may be i relish in the ever so small accomplishment for both of us. there are days when we lay on our tummies together, he grabs for my camera & i try my best to catch this tender & perfect moment.

on days where it is rough & seemingly no end in sight, i relish, bask & cherish the moments below.

chchchchanges.

the nugget is growing up. i liked the newborn phase, but hallelujah our boy is growing up. he woke up last week saying 'dadadada' & believe you me aaron is BEYOND elated that his first words are "daddy". on the same day our boy tucked his knees under himself in an attempt to crawl towards a toy; too bad his head spans further than his shoulders & the before said crawl attempt resulted in face-plant after face-plant. the nugget is laughing more & more, gets bored easily, grabs at anything & everything in a mile radius of him, refuses to eat all solid food, only falls asleep in the car {more on that later}, flirts with all he comes in contact with & loves to be outdoors.

and on that note.