looking forward.

staying at home and making my own schedule has made "hump day" aka wednesday, sort of irrelevant. however today has really made me look forward to the following things:

  • spin class tonite and another tough workout with lindsay
  • dessert with my cousin and her family this evening, who are visiting from out of town
  • meeting my new personal trainer on the morrow and figuring out why i have gained six pounds since this whole fiasco began
  • sunday. the only day that i have the husband to myself, sort of
what are YOU looking forward to?


monday moment.

for the sake of time i just want to make it very clear that i am so proud of my husband. i think that i could scour the face of this earth on a search for the hardest working man, only to find myself right back in my own bedroom; or possibly the orem windermere real estate office.

you can probably tell from the above picture, but he is kinda a big deal. man i love him.


i think i need to apologize for rambling on for the past little while in my posts. everyone knows that no one actually likes reading these things.

so, for your viewing pleasure, here are some images from the valentines day shoot that mere took for aaron and i!

on to . . .

phase three: inherit children

this may seem like a weird phase title, but it fully encompasses what has been filling my time recently. right after i quit i was lined up to watch my nieces and nephew for a week, and although it was tough going from zero kids to four in one week, i really had the time of my life.

the youngest is three and she was home with me all day while the older three were in school. we had many talks through the day about why she prefers the peels cut off of her apple slices and had a few melt downs due to her refusal to take a nap during the day. below are a few of the conversations we had with her that aaron and i still laugh about today:

- i was sitting at the kitchen table with her eating lunch together and i poured the contents of a diet coke into a glass filled with ice. after taking one sip and setting it down, she looked up at me like she longed for a sip of my drink, but then quickly remembered and shared that, "that drink is diarrhea for my bum" and then nodded her head in a matter of fact way.

you and about a million other people honey.

- aaron and i had to run an errand and so we left the older kids at home for a bit and took the youngest with us. in the car on the way she started talking like a robot saying things like, "dont laugh! i am a robit!" so aaron decided to play along with her and talked to her like a robot and everything that he said she mimicked. they were going back and forth for a while, aaron saying one thing and the youngest mimicking back, but then aaron got a genuis idea; her parents have been trying to potty train her and so while we were there we really tried to encourage the big girl attitude and get her to go in the potty. with that said aaron tried tricking her into saying what he said by saying in a robot voice "i am a big girl and i go in the potty!". without skipping a beat she called back to us, "i am a baby and i go in my diaper!"

it was worth a try right?

- she and i were sitting on the stairs watching the other kids run around the house and she just started making up stories to tell me. her: "there was a boy named Jesus Christ who died."
me: "thats right. do you know why?"
her: "because he got in a car wreck and then he had to get a wrap on his leg, so then he was ok."
me "oh really?!"
her: "ya, but his father was very sad."
me: "what is his fathers' name?"
her: "Heavenly Father. and he was very sad. and so was his sister."
me: "he has a sister? what is her name?"
her: "dora. and she got in the wreck too, but she was ok. she didnt need a wrap."
me: "well thats good, im glad that she is ok."
her: "ya, but Jesus Christ had to get a wrap, but he is going to be ok." *smiles and runs away.

at least she understands that Heavenly Father is Jesus Christ's father :)

i wish so badly that i could find a picture the above mentioned kids - they are so darling.

oh and then i got to watch this little munchin for a couple days.
i know your jealous. so many cute kids.


moving on with life.

first of all, thank you for all your suggestions and advice from the previous post. i have been taking one step at a time and trying to soak up the wonderful moments that i have with friends, family and myself.

which brings us to . . . phase two: make myself a priority.

we all watch 'the biggest loser', yes? well throughout the seasons the most popular reason that the women blame on their weight gain is 'losing themselves'. i know that there are hundreds of thousands of mothers out there who can relate to that statement and although i have no children to blame, i can say that i have lost sight of myself and most importantly my health.

alas, that is no more!

the day after my last day at work aaron surprised me with an adventure and we headed out on the quest to find bicycles. both of us were really excited about the whole situation; finding a new way to travel that saved the enviroment and promoted our well-being. however, after looking through all the bike shops in utah county our discussion about our quest turned more into a challenge for the both of us to get healthy.

long story short; we have gym passes and i have a personal trainer. my first day with the trainer he asks me to warm up on the treadmill for 10 minutes. ok so, by minute five i was ready to quit. my heart was beating so fast and hard that i was sure that the dude running next to me could hear it, but it also could have been the heavy panting that made him look over at me quite a few times. overall those 10 minutes were an embarassment, but not as bad as what ensued. after i hopped of the treadmill i forgot about that feeling you get when you are walking on solid ground, you know that feeling like you are moving at lightening speed? well i walked with my lightening speed legs over to the weight section of the gym to meet my trainer who gave me two exercises. emphasis on the 'two'. mind you, before i even started these exercises my nose was running profusely and my heart was still beating out of my chest. so i do some sort of whimpy push up thing for 30 counts and then an ab exercise for about 15 counts and i stand up to catch my breath . . . aaaaand then abrubtly sit down. no lie, i thought that i was going to pass out, my vision didnt go completely black, but it was pretty dang spotty. on top of it all my nose would not stop running and so to make up for it i just tried snorting it back up so that i could continue with my workout. i was a vision impaired, snotty, exhasted, hot mess. i tried to play it off but the trainer knew better; he took me back over to his desk, handed me a box of tissues and concluded that i was a skinny-fat kid. lesson learned.

since that awful first day, things have gotten a million times better. i feel so good. i love the confidence that i gain as i push myself further and further. i love the challenge each morning of getting up and pushing myself to the gym and then the worn out feeling after i have completed the spin class. i love the energy that i have gained and the strength that i am continuing to build on.

here's to the fat kid in all of us!


in the meantime.

oh golly its been awhile. like a real, long while.

the past month or so has been madness and instead of rattling off in one long post - i am going to break it up into phases. lucky for you huh?

phase one: employment finale

im done.

after giving my two weeks notice and then sitting out another four weeks it was long overdue, but i mustered up the strength to send my boss a letter regarding me officially leaving. (by 'letter' i mean email and by 'strength' i mean waiting until the very last minute of the monday workday and pressing send before practically running out of the office. baby steps.) my email clearly stated that i would work the remainder of the current week and then i was outie.

february 19th was my last day. although that day was bitter-sweet for me, i had no idea what an incredible adjustment it would be for me to go from days packed with never-ending task lists and appointments to days where my tasks where limited to the chores in our little home. it actually been really tough on me - emotionally and physically. in some ways i feel like i just need more things to help pass the time, but mostly i just want to know that i am contributing to our family and that i am putting in my fair share of work.

each phase from here on out will explain what i have done to reconcile this issue, but what i really want to know is have you ever felt this way? what did you do when you came to a cross roads in your life?