two of a kind.

i pictured what aaron would be like as a father, but what i had envisioned was nothing compared to what our reality is. right from the get-go aaron possessed a knack for reading & interpreting our little bebe. in the hospital, the only thing that would put roe to sleep was sucking on aaron's finger & i would stare in awe as they slumbered together in peace. as soon as we arrived home, aaron was the one to give roe his first bath & he is still the official bebe nail clipper in the house. if you have ever encountered our babe with his pants unbuttoned, rest assured that aaron recognized that the babe was uncomfortable & when asked aaron would say "they were just pinching off his circulation. he's a man, let him be comfortable." the same applies if you ever see our kiddo without pants entirely or shirtless out & about because aaron knows when roe is overheating as well. all in all aaron knows what is best for our nugget.

a picture is worth a thousand words - am i right?

brunette am i.

i love my life.

i love that my husband works hard for our family & allows me to stay home with our nugget & raise him right. i love that we have a home to call our own & a big front yard to host 'mom hour' & take mini-photo-shoots of bebe roe. i love that i have family & friends so close who support & encourage me daily. i love that i have finally found a stylist {hollar, Bethany Kartchner} who rocks my socks & who is a delight to chat with for three hours.

& now, i love that i am a brunette. i may never go back.

thanks for the photo nicole. you 'da best!

half a year.

my dear baby roe,

it was just half a year ago when my life changed for the better, when you, my dear baby roe, came into my life & turned it upside down. for better or worse, i have loved every single moment that we have shared together so far. we have shared days when you have cried tears of an overtired babe & days where i have cried along with you as a helpless mommy. we have shared days where you have learned a new trick & where i have cheered & clapped with sheer joy at your smallest accomplishment. each day you grow a little stronger, a little chubbier, a little smarter, a little happier, a little more opinionated & take another little chunk of my heart while you grow from my newborn, shrimp of a babe, to a little boy.

for awhile now you turn around on your tummy like a turn table & it cracks me up each time. you move your buff little arms around in the most determined manner as you pivot yourself towards the cords that are placed so enticingly under the dresser in our living room. you use this same technique in your crib during the night & most mornings i find you with your head in the opposite direction i laid you down in. as of yesterday you started scooting/army crawling around {advanced, if i do say so myself, for a six-month old}. i laid you on the floor in the hall outside the bathroom while i brushed my teeth & the next thing i know you are hitting my feet with your tiny hand. i started laughing & you looked up at me with those big eyes & wide-mouthed toothless grin & we shared in that moment that you learned how to follow me around.

last month was rough for both of us & we got to know the older, wiser & bigger you. the only way you were napping was in your car seat on the way to park city & as fun as that was for both of us, neither of us were getting the sleep or time to ourselves that we needed. in a bout of desperation i bought a book & both of our lives changed for the better. after a night of letting you cry for an hour in your crib at bedtime, we were able to establish the habit of bedtime at seven-thirty & nap times at nine, one & four. you have really turned into a different baby - a happy, healthy & agreeable baby! you love your sleep & i love you for it.

you & i are somewhat attached at the hip & although you may cry in other arms it brings me relief to know that my arms are the ones that you find comfort in. your accomplishments are my happy place & i love you to the moon & back.

muah - mommy

mildly obsessed.

i used to loathe reading blogs where all the writer ever did was talk about her dang-nab kid & here i am eating my words. all i do is talk about my kid & gush over him all day long, but when your days are consumed by that one tiny human & his sleeping, eating & playing schedule there is not really much left to discuss.

our little nugget is the ripe old age of six months now & it boggles my mind to think that half a year ago we brought that little stranger into the world. i look at the pictures hanging all over our house from when Roe was a week old & i hardly recognize him. my oh my how time changes our little ones. mimi {my talented mother} sent Roe a gift, she knit him, for his six-month milestone & we have been playing with it all day.

my sweet boy's bright blue eyes are fading & he is looking more & more like his handsome father {what more could a lady want than a miniature version of the first love of her life?!}. i love the two men in my life & thank my lucky stars each day that i have the privilege of raising this smiley & curious little nugget.

oh & for those of you who felt the way i once did about baby-obsessed-mommy-bloggers, just you wait until you have a nugget to call your own. damn straight you will be obsessed & you have every right to be!

take-over.

i swore that as soon as this baby came i would keep up a house where my visitors could not detect the slightest hint of baby. alas, real life is just not so. in real life it is a miracle if i get to shower so let us not even mention putting those obnoxious baby toys away twenty-plus times a day. i have grown to love this reality however & could not help but smile when i woke up from an afternoon nap to the above face. our lives have been taken over by baby & i would not have it any. other. way.

vacae.

since lake powell was a total bust with a three month old, the handsome husband & i were itching to get out of provo for a little change of pace. enter, st. george, pool, sun & sleep. we shared our time with our dear pals the christensen's & it was brief, yet extremely wonderful.

us lady folk made certain that we made a day trip to the vegas for some shopping & after dragging our dear husbands & babies all over town we settled down for a delightful dinner @ the cheesecake factory. the only picture i got in the vegas was the follow which is actually quite appropriate & encompasses our lives {waiting for our men, with our tired yet tolerant babes on a street corner on the vegas strip}. can you imagine what people were thinking? hollar @ hot mama nicole!

& then there are days

like today. when i apply what i have learned from books & follow my motherly instincts. it all started with putting the nugget down @ seven-thirty the night before & ended with three naps during the day, the last of which he didn't even fight, & another seven-thirty bedtime where not a single tear was shed.

when baby sleeps, mama is happy & when mama is happy everybody is happy.

besides myself.

i am venting & beyond tired. so, take everything i say with a grain of salt.

there are days, most days, when i do not feel qualified for motherhood on any level. there are days when i look at my dear, sweet {TIRED} baby & wonder how mothers ever find balance in their lives. there are days when i run to the grocery store without a bra on early in the morning & i finally understand {& sympathize} why some mothers look so haggard & am perplexed where other mothers found the time to put on a bra & make-up. there are days when i cry the entire day because my baby is crying & i have exhausted all of my best silly faces, funny songs, we have read every book & the pacifier still isn't soothing. there are days when i feel really alone as my five month old wails for an hour in his crib after i put him down for naps & then i feel defeated when i have to go pick him up & tell him everything is okay when often i dont even feel myself as though everything is okay. there are days when i sing 'itsty bitsy spider' 80 times over & run out of things on the bus to imitate while singing 'wheels on the bus'. there are days when i plan my entire day around driving to salt lake or park city just so that i can get my babe to rest for 45 minutes.

then, there are days like today. where the babe wakes up four times in the night & after crying for an hour when i put him down for a morning nap {like the books say, mind you} he still cries for another hour in my arms midst rubbing his eyes and pushing me away as i try to nurse, sing, rock, swaddle & generally soothe him back to sleep. days, like today, when i think i am making headway, when i think we are taking steps forward to getting our sleep deprived baby on a sleep schedule & i end up feeling like we are taking four steps backward. days, like today, when i want to scream at the book i am reading because all i read about are success stories & feel like i am the only one living with the story of a baby who cries hour after hour that i try to get him to sleep {regardless the technique}. days, like today, when i recall people saying 'stick to it!' & 'it's worth it' & wondering if it really is because through my tears, headache and generally tired mind i cannot see how that can be the case.

i make it sound like i have a colicky/fussy baby & let me assure you that this is not the case, but it is embarrassing & unnerving when your family or friends comment on how fussy your {once happy} baby is being or what bad habits he has. i simply have a baby who will not sleep. the baby i know just wants to laugh & learn & be apart of the action, but in turn the baby you know {the baby who has not slept} complains & fusses. so here i am, following every piece of advice i have been given & read on sleeping, still feeling besides myself because my sweet little babe refuses to sleep.

there are, however, hours of the day when my babe makes me laugh & when we make each other smile. there are days when we walk to the park, lay on a blanket under the trees & enjoy the sunshine together. there are days when he learns something new & i tell him how proud i am to be his mother. there are days when he giggles when i tickle him & flirts with the ladies at the mall. there are days, every day, when i am happy to call him mine & love him more with every frustrated tear we share. there are moments when roe nuzzles into my shoulder or sits calmly in my lap & even, on the rare occasion, that he sleeps there, in my arms. there ARE days when he naps {my beacon of hope} & however inconsistant they may be i relish in the ever so small accomplishment for both of us. there are days when we lay on our tummies together, he grabs for my camera & i try my best to catch this tender & perfect moment.

on days where it is rough & seemingly no end in sight, i relish, bask & cherish the moments below.

chchchchanges.

the nugget is growing up. i liked the newborn phase, but hallelujah our boy is growing up. he woke up last week saying 'dadadada' & believe you me aaron is BEYOND elated that his first words are "daddy". on the same day our boy tucked his knees under himself in an attempt to crawl towards a toy; too bad his head spans further than his shoulders & the before said crawl attempt resulted in face-plant after face-plant. the nugget is laughing more & more, gets bored easily, grabs at anything & everything in a mile radius of him, refuses to eat all solid food, only falls asleep in the car {more on that later}, flirts with all he comes in contact with & loves to be outdoors.

and on that note.

ombre' bebe.

a few weeks back i organized a little late night {meaning kids are in bed, phew} craft night just for the gals. we dyed onsies, t-shirts, socks etc in the ombre' affect & i think it was a ravishing time.

here is my five month old model workin' it.

it wasn't until after i took all these pictures that i realized how much roe resembles a smurf. ah well.

cry baby.

i am blogging. i am blogging because my baby is crying in the other room & i am trying with all of my might to stay strong so that both of us can get through the next year together happy & well rested.

i may or may not be crying right along with him. dont judge.

five months.

our little* guy is five months young. it is so incredible that although roe has only graced this earth for five short months he has had time to develop his likes & dislikes and that his personality continues to blossom right before our eyes.

we still have yet to get him on a regular schedule and these days he is more sad than happy, but instead of dwelling on the negative, lets take a gander at the little nuggets' first experience on the swing.

*18lbs 13oz. he takes his feedings very seriously.

rewind.

lets just pretend that i am not over a whole entire month behind on posting. then lets pretend that we are back to fourth of july weekend. alright, are we all on the same page? great.

we started off the weekend right by attending our annual block party {think street shut down, bouncee houses, meat grillin & loads of fireworks}.

then we joined our friends the christensens & the rest of the zoobies & hipsters in provo at the rooftop concert featuring 'beatles' covers.

saturday night the festivities continued when aaron's family joined us on our front lawn to watch fireworks from the stadium of fire and set off a few of our own.

mimi strawn flew in sunday and celebrated the official holiday with us. after my dedicated husband stayed up until four in the morning saving our prime spot we watched the parade just a few blocks from our home and ate scones with our fellow ward members.

the holiday was fabulous and i could not be more grateful that it lasted all. weekend. long.

of my own heart.

after a long day of driving to and from salt lake during rush hour on a friday night for absolutely no reason, my dear four month old was, spent. after pulling off of the freeway twice to soothe said dear four month old and getting back on the freeway only to listen to more of my sweet screaming baby i finally got the notion to turn on music. as soon as the piano keys from 'the fray's album filled the speakers said unconsolable baby calmed and was soon snoring in the back seat. at that moment, at that very moment i knew that the crying baby in the back was mine. more than that, i knew that he was ours-aaron and mine.

i see so much of me in him when i look at him and when i hear his laugh and watch him sleep peacefully i see aaron. as each day passes and our little nuggets' personality blossoms and in turn i get to know him better i feel more and more like he is really my little boy. aaron makes us both laugh, he is ticklish in the same spots as his dad, he sleeps on his side just like aaron and i do, he loves the outdoors and calms down when we are exploring and socializing just like his dad, he is wide-eyed and loves the world and most of all appreciates music . . . just like his daddy and i do.

ode to roe.

dearest bebe roe,

you make me smile every, single day. morning arrives around 7am these days and some mornings i just look up at the ceiling, not ready for the day begin. still drowsy, i make my way to your room and then . . . i see you. you recognize your daddy and i now and each morning i am reminded of what an incredible miracle you are in my life. regardless of how much sleep i got the night before every morning is a little treasure i hold dear. you smile so big. we tell you we love you and shower you with kisses and you smile even bigger. while we hold you in bed with us, you eat up the attention from both parents at once and you coo with sublime happiness. i ask you how you slept and daddy asks about your sweet dreams and most of the time you look up at us with your fist in your mouth, but some mornings you tell us all about your previous night. some mornings we will play music for you and you sit captivated and wide-eyed. mornings are blissful.

july 2nd, you laughed for the first time. it was the most incredible experience, proving yet again what an amazing and vibrant little miracle you have become in our lives. we were at the zoo, it was a hot day and you had tolerated well as we dragged you around to see things you still have yet to gain an appreciation for. daddy had already changed two big blow-outs in a patch of grass in the shade by the monkeys and we were preparing to change the third. he gathered the necessities while i held you trying to keep you entertained while you fought sleep with all your might. i started bouncing you up and down and . . . you laughed. of course the world stopped in that moment and both your daddy and i looked on giggling and cooing with you. video documentation was made and has since been shared with everyone we come in contact with because we are just boastful, proud parents like that. you have laughed a handful of times since and you are ticklish on your back ribs right under your armpit {how specific is that?!}. which, if you are tired enough and we tickle in just the right way will trigger laughter as well.

four months means more shots and more milestones, but this month you weighed in at 17lbs. 12oz. i am so glad that my milk is doing you some good!

you have gotten so good at tummy time and your daddy and i could not be prouder. you hold your head up so well {which is really a miracle in and of itself, seeing as your head spans the width of your shoulders and is in the 90%} and your little arms have gained the strength to support your shoulders as well. i lay on my tummy with you and just tell you how well you are doing and how proud i am of your accomplishment. you just smile a shy, toothless grin at me and i can tell you are proud of yourself as well.

we introduced you to the bumbo chair and an exersaucer and you seem to like the independence for a short while and then you realize that either your legs are squished into the bumbo or you feel stuck in the exersaucer and you yelp for assistance. you enjoy yourself most, laying on your back, kicking your legs, flailing your arms, reaching for anything near you and rolling from side to side. gone are the days when we can leave you on the couch and run and grab your diaper supplies. you are squirming constantly and anything that is within your reach subsequently goes to right to your mouth. in fact, you have learned to pull out your binki and return your binki from your mouth. obviously your daddy and i are agreed that you are the smartest baby to ever grace this planet.

more than anything, you enjoy being outside. just yesterday evening you laid on your back on a blanket outside and chatted with the clouds, trees and birds above you about their beauty. you love taking walks in the stroller or attached to the front of your dad or i and you calm down immediately as we step out the front door of our home. grammy visited last week and you sat on her lap and watched with bright eyes while the rain came down heavy on the windows, the thunder rumbled in the mountains and the lightning crackled bright in our living room. you enjoy going to the pool, no so much because you love the water, but because there is so much to take in around you. your head turns when kids scream at the pool and your eyes follow cars and motorcycles as they whiz by while we are on walks.

we got off of your schedule for awhile there, after returning from the oldham houseboat on lake powell, but you are back on track. after a few tortured evenings of allowing you to cry, you have learned to sleep in your crib both for naps during the day and bedtime at night. you have also discovered how you are most comfortable sleeping and you soothe yourself by sleeping on your side. of course i think that is the most darling thing and send your daddy pictures of you sleeping on your side at least twice during the day.

you have acquired quite a few nicknames and go by roe, rodeo, baby roe, son, nugget, buddy and punk, to name a few.

roe, we love you. we are proud to call you ours. there are days that daddy and i turn to each other and question what we did to deserve such a darling and cooperative baby. regardless, we thank our heavenly father daily for sending you to our family and for blessing you with all the smarts and chubby cuteness a baby could posses. you have become our entire world and my full time job and we could not be happier.

muah - mommy & daddy

*knitted afghan, compliments of grammy! <3